Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
