You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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