I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
