i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
