i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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