and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
