Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
