Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
