So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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