Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
