I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
