I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
