I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
