did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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