Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
