There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
