well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
