Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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