2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
