I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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