WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
