why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
