My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize