Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
