I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
