I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So much rum. So many feels.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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