GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
