i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
