Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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