just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
