i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
