Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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