woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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