I wanna passion pit in your ass
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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