wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
