he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
