I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
