I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
