can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
