I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
