69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
