There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I need moral support for this bender
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
