apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
