Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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