I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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