Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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