she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
