Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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