I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
