shes about as inviting as chlamydia
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
