Porn is love you can see.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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