could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize
