Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
And then he peed in my hair
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