yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
