I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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