if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
