Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
