Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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