Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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