I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
