Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"

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  (646): A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!" http://tfl.nu/psh2
  Replies (10) Good night (1936) Bad night (819)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.

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  (609): walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice. http://tfl.nu/elke
  Replies (11) Good night (3664) Bad night (623)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"

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  (727): If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was" http://tfl.nu/9too
  Replies (36) Good night (597) Bad night (4284)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk

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  (832): just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk http://tfl.nu/fd5v
  Replies (8) Good night (2958) Bad night (598)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.

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  (607): I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/vi3x
  Replies (32) Good night (10116) Bad night (840)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am

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  (610): Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am http://tfl.nu/p6fg
  Replies (13) Good night (4634) Bad night (1046)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner

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  (716): sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner http://tfl.nu/i2lb
  Replies (10) Good night (1105) Bad night (3872)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.

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  (480): I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop. http://tfl.nu/wrzz
  Replies (15) Good night (1680) Bad night (5410)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.

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  (231): I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking. http://tfl.nu/yxdj
  Replies (5) Good night (1573) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."

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  (817): Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window." http://tfl.nu/43ug
  Replies (10) Good night (1972) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo

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  (540): I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo http://tfl.nu/4u98
  Replies (2) Good night (1355) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.

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  (407): Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks. http://tfl.nu/yvne
  Replies (6) Good night (1640) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.

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  (513): I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled. http://tfl.nu/l7r8
  Replies (8) Good night (949) Bad night (222)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all

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  (503): multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all http://tfl.nu/0tag
  Replies (0) Good night (499) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland

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  (774): Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland http://tfl.nu/km8l
  Replies (1) Good night (298) Bad night (583)

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