My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?