the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.