you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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