I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
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We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.