It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
