I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
