weddingsv make me drug and hornr
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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