it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
