just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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