What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
