Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
