After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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