There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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