I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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