I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
