If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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