BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
