We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
