Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
