HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize