After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i love accidental penises.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
